


A Love Worth Living

by Fiery_archer_lav3nder_P1x1e



Category: Dream Boy (2008)
Genre: Dream Boy, F/M, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Male Character, M/M, Past Child Abuse, emotionally damaged, farm life, sort of canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2018-11-08 11:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11080800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiery_archer_lav3nder_P1x1e/pseuds/Fiery_archer_lav3nder_P1x1e
Summary: There's nothing more monotonous than the South.  For Roy, he's life is about to change.  When a new family moves in across the way, Roy's faced with new feelings that shake his small town world.  But he's not the only one.  Nathan's been moved around from town to town, all to hide a nefarious secret.  Roy's attention draws him into a safety that he's never been afforded before.  Lies become truths, friends become lovers, and the small town of St. Francis-Ville will never be the same again.  And neither will these two boys.  But they have each other, and maybe that makes this love worth living for.





	1. Live this Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small piece I was drawn to write after having my heart broken to pieces after watching Dream Boy. I had to write a fix-it because I found it completely unfair that the ending was not just heart braking but a huge over-kill. This is a side piece, so I will not be putting too much time into it at first, unless there's suddenly demand for it.
> 
> ** Re wrote chapter One**
> 
> I knew I could better, so I gave it a second go. Tell me if you think it's better than the first chapter one I posted

Seventeen years of monotony; it wasn’t like there weren’t things in St. Francis-ville that happened, but it’d been so long since someone new had come to town. And then one day the “for sale” sign disappeared from in front of the house across the way. I began to wonder what the family might be like. I would think about it as I walked through the fields and pitched bales of hay into the horse stalls. 

Would there be a kid, maybe my age, that moved in with his folks? Or maybe someone a little older, just finished with high school and working for his Pops till he can get a better job in town? Maybe it wouldn’t be a boy, but a girl; if she was one of those snooty city girls I could give her a lesson in horse back riding and laugh at her screaming and flailing. But if she was a country girl and already knew how to ride then we could have ourselves a good ol’ time racing the back trails. 

It doesn’t take long. Maybe the next weekend I see an old station wagon parked in the drive. I didn’t even notice any moving truck or anything. 

The next day I head out to the school bus and see a gangly lookin’ kid standing there gawping at the thing. He’s so busy staring up at the big yellow beast that he doesn’t notice me come up to him. 

He startles himself, his big brown eyes blinking furiously at me as he flinches. I try, but I end up smiling and chuckling. “You just moved in across the way, right?” I ask him nodding to the house behind him. 

The kid doesn’t even say anything, but he nods his head slowly as he continues to blink those big Bambi eyes. I pull the key to the bus out of my pocket and nod for him to follow me as we both hop onto the bus. 

I didn’t learn his name until lunch period. I heard some of the Juniors muttering about the new kid, a fifteen year old, who was showing them all up in English. His name was Nathan. I didn’t really see him that first day, but then again he was dealing with his first day at a new school. I looked for those brown eyes in the mirror as I drove the bus on the way back home. Sure enough, Nathan was sitting towards the middle of the bus, his eyes taking in the surrounding farms as we drove past them. 

I built up enough courage to talk to him half way through that first week. He was sitting there, awkward as ever, in the middle of the bus after the last person had gotten off. 

“Why don’t you come sit up here?” I hollered over the roar of the engine. He smiled bashfully at me, but slowly he made his way up to the front of the bus and sat in the seat behind me. 

There was just something about how quiet and smiley Nathan was, like he kept them just for me; I couldn’t stay away from him. I started by seeking him out during lunch. Sure, Burke and Randy threw me suspicious looks, but once I introduced Nathan they seemed to just accept it. To be honest I’d been friends with Burke and Randy since we’d dug up the flowerbed the second day of preschool looking for dinosaur bones. We’d gotten a time out for throwing worms at the girls. But now that we were older, I wasn’t sure we had as much in common as we used to. 

Being around Nathan was different. He was sweet and gentle, and the more we hung out-around school and on the bus-I found that I looked forward to seeing him. It wasn’t until the next week as we were getting off the bus that I mentioned that the workload I was carrying that I really got Nathan to open up. 

“I could help you,” he said softly, shuffling his feet. “If you want. I’m good at stuff like that.”

I couldn’t help but smile. It was like Nathan didn’t know how to be a brag. “I’ve got this paper to do, it’s supposed to be on the railroad. Think you could help me figure it out? I could help ya with something else, maybe Algebra? I’m pretty good at Algebra.”

Nathan smiled and shrugged. “I gotta bible group and then do my chores, but I can come by later tonight.”

Nathan smiled, his eyes looking at me as if I was something from out of a book. “Okay,” he squeaked. We parted ways and I headed back to the house. 

Until Nathan, I’d never really seen a boy who could be as quiet and polite; Burke and Randy, and even myself, were rowdy and trouble makers. But as I changed into something clean for the church group, I couldn’t stop thinking about how different Nathan was than the boys I knew and how I had grown up. He kept mostly to himself, always looked like a colt who’d got spooked, but slowly he seemed to be warming up. At least, he seemed to be warming up to me. 

Going to church group wasn’t like it had been; sure, I sat next to Evelyn and listened to Brother Will and read from the Bible that Mama had given me when I’d been baptized, but something felt different. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t all there. I wanted to be somewhere else. And Lord help me, I prayed the rest of the meeting when I realized that the somewhere I wanted to be was with Nathan. I didn’t know what it meant, but it’d never happened before. 

I drove Evelyn home, kissed her good night like I’d done since we were fifteen, but I didn’t linger like I would usually do; I jumped into my truck cab and took off down the road for home. I had Nathan waiting for me. I had someone I wanted to see. I had something worth going home for.


	2. Worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Nathan's POV on their first study date.

Roy was like the brightest star in my sky. After years of moving from one place to another, being the new kid at school, and after all the darkness that I’d had to keep hidden inside me, he was something new and sweet to focus on. I hadn’t even thought that he’d notice me. I was about as plain as store-bought pie; my dad had made sure to remind me of that every day and every night that he’d sullied my soul. 

I couldn’t not smile at Roy though, there was just something about him. So I sat in the middle of the bus and watched him as he drove and smiled at the other students along the way. And every time those murky blue eyes would flicker to mine in the rear I can’t help the way my face quirks up. I was going to just enjoy looking at him, at least that’s what I told myself. But then Roy went and called out to me one day, after everyone else had been dropped off. 

And now, here I was, watching through my window as Roy tosses bales of hay into his family’s horse pasture. The horses came over to greet him, and I watch through the gauzy curtains as Roy leans over the fence to stroke their noses. There was still plenty of light in the sky. Roy had said he had chores to do for his folks around their farm, then a bible group, and then he would be coming over-a completely foreign concept. 

When I had opened my mouth to tell Roy that I liked English, or at least that I was good at it, I hadn’t expected Roy’s eyes to widen and sparkle with delight. The look he had given me was one I had never gotten before; no one had ever looked like they wanted me to say anything. I wasn’t about to disappoint the most beautiful boy I’d ever met, so when he had mentioned having a hard time with his English assignments it wasn’t my plan to offer to help him; I mean, I was just a sophomore and he was a junior. Roy was a whole new world; he brought his friends Burke and Randy around to have lunch with me at school, and even though they weren’t nearly as friendly as Roy it was nice to have someone to sit with and listen to. 

When Roy disappeared into his family’s barn again I turned away from my bedroom window and took a seat in the rickety desk chair that sat at my desk, the desk that currently held my school books. I looked at my pile of school things and picked up the English reader and my notebook. If Roy wanted help with his English paper, then I should get my own work done before he comes over. It doesn’t take long; even the junior English class was easy. With all the moving around the only thing I liked about school was reading and writing which meant that I was farther along in that subject and not so much in any of the others. 

I worked through my English quick enough even if I was a few weeks behind because of the move; the junior class was reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, something I had read at my last school as a sophomore. Once I had finished with that I took a crack at the other assignments that I had; there were three pages of equations to do for Algebra, but I didn’t have to have those done for the next day, and then I had remedial Spanish that I needed to review since we had a quiz at the end of the week on letters and numbers. I was struggling through half a chapter in my U.S. History textbook when I heard Roy’s truck pull back into the drive that separated our yards. I was on the verge of a headache, so I closed the book and instead pulled out my English reader again. 

I had read a few pages more of Huckleberry Finn when I heard footsteps on the stairs. All traces of a headache vanished as I turned to see Roy appear in my doorway, a vision in a blue cotton button up and his fitted jeans. He stood there as I stared at him, his face mirroring the awkwardness I was feeling. But then the confidence that I was beginning to associate with Roy seemed to filter back into his face as he smiled and he said “hey”. 

The next few hours I spent helping Roy with some of the smaller details of his paper; I was so petrified I couldn’t bring myself to leave my seat-I stayed where I was at my own little desk while Roy made himself comfortable on my bed. It was the one perk of the move, my room was bigger and my bed was bigger and my bedroom door had a slide lock (however the compromise was that I would never use it, so long as I didn’t do that then then there’d be no reason for Dad to come in here). I watched him as he worked through the rough stages of his paper, his golden brown hair falling in his eyes every few moments and his rolled up shirt sleeves straining over his biceps as he wrote in his notebook. 

Mom was sweet enough to bring us up some sweet tea which gave me an opportunity to take a breath and shake off some of my nerves. Roy seemed a bit shy, even if polite, as he thanked Mom and wandered around my room. 

“Does it feel weird being in here now that you don’t live here anymore?” I ask quietly as I lean against the windowsill. 

Roy’s on the opposite side of my bed, his glass sitting on my bedside table, as he looks at the little piggy bank that I only had three dollars in change in it. He looks up from the little curio in his hands. “Nah,” he says with a grin. “I mean I live so close I can see into your window. I’m just glad that you and your folks are comfortable here. You like it here so far?”

I nod silently. Roy snickers and makes a comment about how young I am to be helping him with his English paper. “I take English with the Juniors, that’s only one grade beneath you.” I answer dryly. We make it back to our respective seats eventually and continue to work out his paper. It may all be shop talk about steam engines and the history of the rail system, but Roy and I share a couple of smiles and even a chuckle at a lame joke I make about comma placement. 

When Roy hands me his notebook to take a look at how far he managed to get in the past hour things get quiet for a time while I read through the two and a half pages that we’ve worked together to write. It’s quiet until I hear Mom call from downstairs that it’s almost bedtime. 

I look up from the pages, and I realize that Roy and I may be sitting across from each other but we’ve slowly gravitated towards each other. Our faces are close together as we lean in to each other’s space. “It’s good,” I say as I hand over the notebook. 

We both stand up. “I guess I should be going home,” Roy said as he closed his notebook and picked up his book off my bed. I follow him to my bedroom doorway where we both pause. “But I’ll be back tomorrow to give you a hand with that Math. I told you I would, right?”

I smile as I shuffle my feet awkwardly. “Yeah, if you’ve got time. I know you have a lot to do.”

I look up in time to catch the brightest smile Roy’s given me so far. He begins moving slowly towards the stairs, walking backwards so he’s still smiling at me. “What are friends for Nathan.”

And before I get a chance to ask him if he’s joking or not, why he would want me as a friend, or if he’s just toying with my emotions Roy’s already disappearing down the stairs. I’m still stuck leaning against the doorway when I hear my mother tell Roy to have a good night. His responding “Thank you ma’am and you have a good evening too, hope Nathan and I didn’t keep you from anything he was helping me with an English paper,” is bright and sincere. 

He’s gone, out the screen door and his footsteps growing fainter as he walks the fifty yards or so to his own front door. I go back into my room, suddenly a little apprehensive about disturbing the spot where Roy had been sitting on my bed. Instead, I calm myself down by putting my books and organizing my school supplies. I make sure to glance out my window before drawing the drapes closed; I can see a warm light coming from an upstairs window across the way, but I can’t make out any figures or shapes so I can only imagine that Roy’s getting ready for bed as well. 

I switch out of my pants and shirt and put on the flannel pants that my grandmother had made for me last Christmas. I slide into my bed, my bare chest feeling the softness of the sheets. I wasn’t used to sleeping without a shirt, but with the warm moisture of the South made it necessary. I settled in before reaching over to turn off the lamp that was on my nightstand. 

As the darkness descends in my bedroom, my eyes adjust slowly to the gloom. This room is bigger than my last couple of bedrooms. The thought of it being Roy’s old bedroom makes my skin feel tight. I shiver as I roll onto my side, thinking of how there’s plenty of room in this bed for Roy to slide in with me. My hand comes up to my chest unconsciously and I feel the tips of my fingers brush over the firm flesh of my nipple. As soon as the first shock of pleasure runs through me, I’m laying flat on my back-this is wrong, on so many levels, and I try to remind myself of that. So I keep my hands at my sides and I close my eyes and start counting my breaths. One boy, even if he’s as good looking as Roy, is not worth the trouble it would cause me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and how you feel about it.


	3. Something Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I haven't updated in forever, but you must forgive me because I'm in my senior year of college and I have lots of reading to do and I am only human. I am trying to work on all my stories at the same time and I hope (but cannot promise) to update soon. Enjoy this and I hope it tides you over.

Walking through the darkness back to the farm house felt different. Maybe it was the thick humidity, but the toes of my boots dragged against the dusty ground. My Ma had left the porch light on and the lamp in my bedroom window was shining through the upper window, guiding me through the murky dimness. I still wasn’t quite used to the newness of our farm house; it was too quite, the porch didn’t creak under my feet as I walked across it to the front door. 

I remember when my dad had told us that we’d be getting a new house; it had taken over a year, but Ma’d been so happy when we’d finally moved in. The stairs don’t squeak as I walk up to my room, and the house still smells like the freshly cut wood from the beams that went into the walls. I smiled though, because my room walls were painted the pale blue that I had been able to pick out myself. 

I try to be quiet as I move around the room getting ready for bed; even as I keep my back to my window and strip off my button-up shirt and shimmy out of my jeans I can’t help but blush and rush. What if Nathan can see me through the window, I wonder. I flick the curtains, but I can’t see any light across the drive. 

I turn off my lamp before I plunk myself down on the bed; ever since I hit my growth spurt when I was twelve I’ve had a nice big bed but tonight as I stretch from head to toe I feel different. I run my hands under the sheet, feel the softness against my bare back and yawn to stretch my jaw. The bed feels too empty around me. I curl up on my side and try to close my eyes, but they open again just a few minutes later. The arm that I’m not laying on is draped against my side, my fingers absently playing with my belly button. 

I don’t know how long I lay awake that night; the last thing I remember was wondering how it might feel to have Nathan’s arm draped over me instead of my own. All too soon my little alarm clock is startling me awake with it’s irritating metallic chiming. 

It always takes me a while to get my head on straight in the morning, but the horses help. As soon as I get out to the pasture, I’m greeted by by whinnies and happy neighs which never fails to wake me up. By the time I’m done with morning chores and come back inside, Ma’s got a cup of coffee poured out for me. 

I sit, trying to figure out if I should change my shirt before school, stirring in spoons of sugar. “You alright sweetheart?” Ma puts a plate down in front of means sits down next to me. 

“Huh?” I shake my head and take a sip of coffee. “I’m just tired.”

She smiles, that Ma smile that always means “I know you’re not telling me somethin’”, and goes about the kitchen again. I’ve got a mouthful of bacon and eggs and she’s making something else on the stove when she pipes up again. “How’d it go last night with the boy next door?”

I clear my throat with more coffee as I figure out what I should tell my mother. “Good, I guess. His name’s Nathan.” I rub my hands on my pants nervously. “He’s gonna help me with English and I’m gonna help him with Math.” I try to eat more of my breakfast, but chewing suddenly makes me feel like I’m choking. 

I drink the remaining coffee in my cup and push back my chair. “Thanks for breakfast Ma,” I say as she looks at me over her shoulder. I bolt up the stairs and change into a red and blue flannel shirt before I need to head out to the bus. 

I give Ma a kiss before I grab my books. “I’ll be home after school,” I say. 

“Maybe bring Nathan round,” she says with a smile. “I’ll make you two a snack or something.”

I just smile and take off out the door and down the steps. I get to the bus with just enough time to surprise Nathan; he steps onto the bus and I can’t stop from smiling. He sits behind me and is nice enough to hold my books for me while I drive. We’re the last one’s off the bus when we get to the school. 

“Thanks,” I say as Nathan hands my books back to me. He just smiles and shrugs while his eyes flicker from my face to his shoes. 

He nods, mumbles a “you’re welcome” and then shuffles off towards his locker. The rest of the day I’m left wondering how Nathan can make blue pants, a yellow shirt, and a brown jacket look so well put together. I can’t even tell what this feeling is inside my chest; it feels like a weight drops into my stomach every time I think about Nathan. 

When lunch rolled around I sat with Nathan, Burke and Randy, but I kept my eyes focused on my sandwich. I thought about the other day, when we had hung out on the smoking porch and Burke asked if I could get away from Evelyn for a weekend with the boys. As I chewed on my lunch, the taste lost, I wondered if Nathan felt left out because he didn’t have girlfriend. But neither Randy nor Burke had girlfriends right now; I never worried about hurting their feelings, even now I didn’t think about them-I was thinking of Nathan. 

I didn’t like talking about Evelyn around Burke and Randy, and now that Nathan had joined our little group I liked it even less. I was still thinking about Evelyn and how I didn’t really enjoy much about having her as my girlfriend when she came up to the window of my truck. We had another night of Bible study, but I really didn’t want to be here; of all the things I had wanted to do instead of Bible study, I had never wanted to be doing homework. But as I walked with Evelyn into the church, I really wasn’t there. The voices of the Reverend and the others floats around my head like balloons. 

Evelyn wanted to go with me, riding around or whatever, afterwards but I made up an excuse. Evelyn was a nice enough girl, but persistent and a little annoying; I had to make a few other excuses before she would let me go. I drove home as fast as I dared, trying to to calm my heart and my breathing. How could Nathan make me so nervous and excited at the same time? He was just a boy. Just a year younger than me. 

I pulled into the drive just as the lights were coming on in the houses. I could see my mother’s silhouette in the kitchen. And when I glanced at Nathan’s window I swear I could see the curtains flutter. I grabbed my books out of the backseat of my truck and scurried over to the neighbors house. I don’t know what I was expecting. We were just going to study, just like the night before. Nothing special. Except, maybe Nathan was special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always leave me some comments and I will try to respond to them because your effort is appreciated.


	4. Fun Little Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh My God has it been a long time or what, but I'm back and I'm alive and doing relatively well. For those of you who read my other works, yes I'm working on updates for every single one of them this one just happened to be shorter and so I got it done quicker. be patient, and you will see more from me this summer. 
> 
> the reason for my extensive absence was my senior year of college. I am officially an alumna now. I got a degree in human communications concentrating in creative writing. Now I'm going to take a little time to recharge my battery before I look for work.

I don’t really expect Roy to come over; I had already helped him with his English essay, there was no reason for him to actually come back and hold up his end of the bargain. I was finishing up my essay when I heard heavy foot falls on the stairs. I turned in time to see Roy standing there, in my doorway, looking stunning in a plaid shirt and jeans. 

I couldn’t even really process what was going on. I heard Roy say something, saw his dimpled smile as he moved into the room and took a casual seat on my bed. And while I heard and saw all those things, I could only really smile myself and quietly gather my math books. 

Roy seems happy; I guess this must be what he felt like last night when I was talking to him about our English essay, I think as he starts trying to explain the process of solving the equation. I try for a whole minute to actually listen to what Roy is saying. However, I fail. Instead, I do something foolish. His hand is just there, laying on the open math book page; can anyone blame me for just wanting to know if that hand is as warm and gentle as it looks?

I realize how stupid I’ve been when Roy’s warm hand jerks out from under my clammy one; it’s an instant, but the pain feels like an electric current. In that second, I’ve decided that there’s never going to be anything good in my life. I’ll be lucky if I get to go away for college. Maybe there I’ll find something, or someone, that might bring me a little bit of peace. It takes another instant to change my mind, but I remain cautious. 

Roy’s hand slowly inches back across the page, to where my hand is still sitting even if it looks like a spider that’s curled up and died. I watch, my breath caught in my chest, as our fingers slowly twining together. And then it’s like we both sigh in relief. I feel a tingling, something hot and thrilling under my skin where Roy’s touching me. It spreads through my fingers and into my palm. 

I don’t know how long we sit there, fingers twirling around each other, the math book beneath them completely forgotten. I can feel my heart soaring, lighter than it’s ever been, but the way that Roy’s eyes look that tie something tight around around it. He looks nervous, scared, and like he’s thinking too much; just like I am. Eventually the time ticked by. I’m not surprised that we never get back to our homework. 

Roy and I wander out into the night air when I hear my parents’ door close for the evening; I say a little pray of thanks that I had remembered to talk to mom about letting me be when I had friends over-not that it had ever happened before. I think about the way she smiled when she was telling me that as long I lock the door when they leave and that they don’t stay too late, that she was glad that I was making friends. I make sure to grab my soft brown jacket as Roy and I make our way through the screen door and out into the crisp night air. 

We end up leaning against the fence posts that divide our driveway from Roy’s family’s driveway. Roy seems very far away, both physically and mentally, his quiet demeanor and his sharp profile are all that I can focus on. It seems like forever as I watch him. But he turns his head, his soft eyes meeting mine as I tuck my chin into my crossed arms. 

“There’s this old graveyard, out in the woods, just over there.” His voice is soft, not meant to frighten like I thought it might. 

I can trust Roy, I tell myself. “Can we go there?” I ask, not sure what I’m hoping to accomplish with this whole idea. It’s the sweetness of the way Roy asks me if I’m sure, that’s what makes me sure. And I tell him so. 

Roy doesn’t really say anything, but we both walk away from the fence. I walk next to Roy as he leads us into the thicket of trees just a few feet away, even though I’d much rather take his hand than have our elbows almost brush against each other. The graveyard isn’t that far into the woods, and it looks a lot more dilapidated than I had imagined. And it’s not so much scary as it is … sad.

I carefully start to tiptoe around the cracked and crumbling headstones as I listen to Roy talk about a family named the Kennicuts. I ask about “Poke Road” which is the name of the road that we live on, the road that we take the yellow school bus on, the one that we turn off of to get to our shared driveway. Roy mentions another family, or someone by that name, but I’m focused on the holy remnants surrounding my feet. 

That’s why I’m surprised, a wave of sharp tingles rushing through my body, when Roy’s warn hand touches my elbow. I turn my head and he has the softest look in his eyes. And I like that tingling feeling. So, when he steps a little closer and his other hand strokes my chest over the soft cotton of my shirt, I feel like an electric current is being poured into my belly. I want to feel this way again and again. And the way that Roy gently settles us onto a soft spot in between two of the big headstones, makes me think the night isn’t over yet. Maybe I’ll get to feel more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this update was worth it, things are going to get hot and heavy for these two in the next chapter so I wanted to get back into the grove before I wrote that next part. I will be going through my inbox in the weeks to come, so feel free to comment and I will do my best to respond in a timely fashion.


	5. Touching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I hope you haven't been too desperate for new things to read. Here is another chapter from our sweet boys. this is in Roy's perspective.

Nathan isn’t like the girls at school, even Evelyn gets this attitude like this is just the way things are supposed to go; I guess that’s why I’m pulled toward Nathan. He’s not just sweetly innocent. He acts like every little thing is the most special thing he’s ever seen. He isn’t as fit as I am, I can tell when I run my hand up from his waist to his chest. But his eyes are filled with such awe when I lean in to kiss him. 

I’ve done things with girls, mostly Evelyn, but this doesn’t hold a candle to any of that. Nathan doesn’t open his mouth or try to pull me closer. I move my lips, hoping not to startle him, gently sucking on his supple bottom lip. I press his lips against mine a few times, his head tilting in just the best way to make it comfortable. When I pulled back a bit my hands immediately went to my shirt; it was like I couldn’t feel any embarrassment with Nathan. I undid the first couple of buttons. That was when Nathan’s gentle fingers came up to run over my skin. It was like the last few buttons never existed. All I could focus on were those fingers. 

I let the feel of Nathan’s fingers gliding over my flesh light every nerve I had on fire. And in return, I scoot a little closer to him and slide my hand to his yellow cotton shirt. Sitting here, alone in the dark, everything was possible with Nathan. There was no Evelyn. There were no parents. There wasn’t even a god to look down on us and judge our sins. And all I wanted was to stay in this place with him. 

I don’t know which one of us leaned in first, but we found each other’s lips again. Nathan was as sweet a kisser as he was in everything else he did. The kisses weren’t much more than lips moving together, and the occasional swipe of tongue against closed lips. As we kissed, Nathan and I lost more of our clothes; it was a mutual progression. I slide my hand under his yellow shirt and he unbuttoned my jeans. The rest is a blur of fabric and kisses. 

I lay us both on our sides, the dewy grass cradling us both and sending chills and goosebumps along our skin. All we have on are our underwear and our socks, the rest of our clothes lay somewhere forgotten in the darkness. I can hear distant crickets and even more distant frogs. But all I could see were Nathan’s eyes, they twinkled in the dim light and all I can see in them is a worshiping kind of devotion. 

I run my fingers through the dark strands of Nathan’s as he strokes my arm; he seemed intensely focused on my bicep while I wanted nothing more than to bury my nose in his hair and breath in whatever he smelled like. While I was playing with the dark hair at the base of Nathan’s skull, I felt his sock-covered toe tentatively nudged against my skin. I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips as I leaned into Nathan’s mouth; as we kiss I feel his foot slip further up my calf, so I indulge in it and weave my own leg in between his. 

There’s a soft hum against my lips as Nathan clearly feels my foot and my knee as they both rose up and pressed against Nathan’s most intimate area. It’s not exactly reciprocated, at least not immediately. We continue kissing, softly and with gentle movements. But slowly I felt Nathan’s fingers sliding down my arm and then even further down. 

My jaw drops and a moan is punched out of me and Nathan smiles as my breath washes over his face. Nathan’s fingers have found their way to ghost around my semi-hard dick. He’s so hesitant as he cups the bulge in my underwear. 

“Is this…Is this okay?” He stammers as his warm palm presses a little more firmly against me. I nod as I lean back in to kiss him, moaning softly as we rock against each other. the night air seems to grow cold against my skin as the heat between Nathan and I grew. The sound of crickets was replaced by soft moans and breathy sighs. 

“Roy,” Nathan’s head fell onto my arm that was laying on the grass beneath his dark mop of hair. The sound of my name coming from him, and the way he says it, makes my arms tighten just a bit bringing Nathan closer to me. He seems to like this from the way his eyes glimmer softly. 

“This is nice,” I breath and lay my head on my shoulder so I can look into his eyes. 

His head tilted in a slow nod. I’ve never been so emotionally close with anyone, not like this. The small voice in my mind wonders what make Nathan so special and what exactly it is that he’s awakened in me. 

We stay like that, moving slowly, kissing occasionally, and not speaking. I don’t know how long we spend there, but I don’t want to leave. However, eventually that’s what happens. It feels more awkward getting dressed than getting undressed; I wish I could get Nathan’s eyes to reconnect with me. I do a little hop to settle back into my boots and jeans, redoing the button and zipper quickly so that I can try once more to regain Nathan’s attention. He’s just finished with his shirt. I picked up his brown jacket, that lay on the ground by his feet. 

“Here,” I help him slide his arms into the sleeves. When he turns around I smooth out the front. I make sure to brush the grass from his hair and run a hand down his neck. “There,” I smile as he nods his head and fidgets with his belt loops. 

We walk back through the woods, listening to the sounds of the nigh air moving the leaves around us. I wish I had talked more to Nathan, especially as we come to the fence. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I should kiss him. Did he even like it; he didn’t exactly say “stop” but he could have been scared. I’m kicking myself for not knowing what any of this is. And I don’t feel any better when we finally do make it to the fence post and Nathan’s already glaring at his house-and it is glaring, I would know after we’d spent so much time looking at each other; his forehead has a crease that it didn’t have before. 

I try to sound casual as I take a small step away from him, my hands stuffed deep in my pockets so I don’t accidentally do something stupid. “Bring my books in the morning,” I end up saying. I don’t want him to be embarrassed with his folks, besides I see one of the downstairs lights is on in his house. “I’m going home.” 

I feel hollow as I walk away from him. It doesn’t help that when I make it to my porch I look back over my shoulder and I can see Nathan’s silhouette dawdling on his way to his own door. I wonder what he’s thinking about what he just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me comments about my writing, I am always trying to improve and I have a very limited knowledge of gay relations to work from. Also, feel free to leave me any comments at all, I love to get them and I always try to respond.


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